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Unchosen Happiness

by ysdpm

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1.
“it’s you, you’ve got my life to take a wrong turn and you’ve taken away even my will to correct. so it’s not my own fault that has let me go on aimlessly in the direction. predetermined cul-de-sac.” “why won’t you try?” when I am asked I bring up this determinism as an excuse. I might not make it I might not make it you’ve taken away even my will to give it a try I shouldn’t go on like this yeah I have to wake up but I don’t know what it means and where I should go how can I do? I have no idea now I’m in a fog random impulsive talking with no feet on the ground feels like I am on the clouds feels like my feet to stand were lost
2.
when you’re holding your head I don’t pay any attention but when I do the same I really want you to care that’s when I do it again and I want you to care even when you’re so depressed you will never say it at all but when I’m a little blue oh I easily say I am that’s when I feel depressed and I say I am so blue that’s when I hang my head that’s when I deeply sigh
3.
I’ve given up on my dreams how did it come to this? I’m only 22! while people around me are talking about their future with stars in their eyes I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live ’cos there’s no longer any way to win people around me are eating and being eaten oh yeah, I’m so free don’t work don’t buy don’t get married don’t have kids I’m waste in this society hey, take it easy, man take it easy what torments you is desires it’s like nobody here can understand me but I don’t care I’m so fine! I’m just not trying too hard I’m tired of fighting I’ve got new values why are you so annoyed? this is what you’ve made yourself I don’t need anymore don’t work don’t buy don’t get married don’t have kids I’m waste in this society hey, take it easy, man take it easy what torments you is desires
4.
Umbrella 04:50
you’re waiting alone in the rain without an umbrella you’re waiting alone for someone who’ll never come on such a cold day I see your face your eyes are very clear and it always makes me cry 'cos I’m not ready 'cos I’m afraid I’m waiting alone in the rain my hands are full with tears and I put them together just to pray I’m just to pray I hope that you’ll be just all right
5.
But I Can't 01:52
don’t worry you’ll be happy 'cos you’re such good it’s wrong that you can’t be happy but I cannot be good like you you always deal with pressure both concrete and vague and I think that's so beautiful you’re always right, you’re never wrong but sometimes it hurts me I’d like you to remember that and I cannot be right like you
6.
here’s an imaginary bridge a bridge between you and me and it’s a sad bridge although I think it’s thick and strong you say it’s unreliable but in my dream you’d say “Even if this bridge burns down or destroyed by a big earthquake I’ll swim, I’ll fly, and build again no matter what it takes I’ll come to see you” Boy, fortune and misfortune come at one. You have to choose between others and yourself. why? I can’t I want both say “Even if this bridge burns down or destroyed by a big earthquake I’ll swim, I’ll fly, and build again no matter what it takes I’ll come to see you”
7.
Masturbation 03:26
tragedies make me patient you’re on the list, an induction a sympathy, turn a blind eye, and the end of farce dirty cheap tears lonely night on a too big bed I’m still aroused your breath and heart tone gravity, your warmth and weight I hate myself masturbating again tragedies make me patient it’s good for you my hair dyed black, suit and tie that makes me feel arrested for all my deceits despair come from hope I’ll never hope now is the best moment you’re the best, you’re my everything and I’m masturbating again pull me out lonely night on a too big bed I’m still aroused my breath and heart tone eternally am I under gravity, a proof of absence? I’ll wait, wait until there’s no more deceit unprocessed body, clothes I love even if time is already gone that’s what I really need pull me out
8.
now it’s time to go to that place again today again today a throne in white with elegant curves it’s always there to welcome me people need this place, not just me but I need it in a different way so I’m going far away where nobody will ever come in this world I don’t have to care time does not pass no harm so calm I’m so happy just sitting still but the truth is, it’s not that fun there is no evil, and there is no good just to escape from decisions I come back here again and again this pain I’m feeling I may have given to someone else sure at that time I took a gun and I shot it yeah I shot it the bullet just happened to miss but I did shoot yeah I shot it flush it down the drain with feces I don’t want to think about it anymore
9.
a dead bird on the road I’m just passing through I’m disciplined

about

Also available at BOOTH→ ysdpm.booth.pm/items/3164930
Trailer→ youtu.be/fasIEQmBGlI

Artwork and lyrics can be viewed here too (with a little commentary, in Japanese)↓
note.com/ysdpm/n/n31ef1f9fe8dc

credits

released August 8, 2021

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ysdpm Japan

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